Made In Heaven

 Michael J. Lincoln aka Narayan Singh Khalsa, Ph.D.
April, 1984

There is a new age / old phenomenon entering on the scene recently. "What’s new about it is that it is happening with such frequency and impact. What is being referred to is a Divine intervention called here the “Cosmic Partner”. These are incredibly intense love relationships that intrude into one’s life out of the blue, so to speak. They are not affairs, in the sense that they are not responses to spouse dissatisfaction or developmental processes or neuroses. They are also not open marriage relationships, with their agreed upon permission and matter of-fact consummation. They are also not romantic love relationships, in that they do not involve the projection of missing parts of one’s self onto the other, and they involve total accountability, responsibility and commitment to all involved parties.

What happens is that an instantaneous recognition reflex that is all but overwhelming occurs on contact. It is unavoidable and uncontrollable. In effect, it is a spiritually based relationship that opens all the energy centers or chakras at once for a mutual connection on all levels. Incidentally, one of the reasons it is hard to distinguish from the other kinds of relationships is that it so resembles the initial reaction to one’s spouse, if that relationship is truly successful. The reason is that the spouse is in effect the primary cosmic partner. Oftentimes, part of the intensity of the recognition reaction comes from the fact that the people have shared past lifetimes and/or are predestined siblings of destiny for this lifetime.

Cosmic partner relationships require a great deal of the individuals involved, and they are therefore not for everybody. It takes a person with a great deal of maturity, soul development and personal resources to handle one realistically and responsibly. However, as they are part of the evolution/transformation process that characterizes this era, they are simultaneously prelude prototypes of how almost all relationships will be after the current transition - transformation is completed. As a part of this evolutionary process, it is probable that many people will find themselves with more than one cosmic partner in their life at a time along the way.

Cosmic partners have many functions, but one of the universal ones is to teach one how to love, trust and be vulnerable without reservation or self protection. Because of the intricacies of spouse relationships, this is all too often a needed lesson. It also has the effect of terminating the “Quest for the Golden Orb”, that childhood leftover search for total parental love and validation. Which is in turn the attempt to reconnect with God through the original “stand-ins”, so to speak. The cosmic partner relationship simply has the effect of defusing all the pull and punch power of that unrealistic longing.

The basic essence of the purpose and effect of a cosmic partner relationship is the complete commitment to the spiritual growth of both people. They are reciprocal in their effects\ and benefits though they may be complementary in their impact on the two individuals. For cosmic partners are in effect direct spiritual interventions in the individuals’ lives which are tailor made for the needs of the individuals involved. The nature of the needs being addressed will deter— mine the nature of the relationship and long range outcomes. These relationships have the effect of releasing your soul via the qualities of the soul of the partner. You see God looking back at you, and you fall in love with who you can be. They generate instant total love because they are direct person to person pipelines to God.

In effect, the cosmic partner brings you to the next step of your soul realization and teaches you how to integrate it. They come at a time when you need intense acceleration of your development. One aspect of this is often to release, love and integrate your “shadow” part— that part of you that you have had to stuff and thereby inflate beyond proportion. The partner tends to elicit it from you and to love that part of you too, with the result that you are able to accept it and appreciate it. They tend to clear out all your filing cabinets of all their paper tigers, paper roses and poison apples. That is all your unfounded fears, hopes and addictions.

The experience of having a cosmic partner is that they fill a part of our emptiness, which is in actuality their eliciting part of our soul that no one else does. They go into the holes in our system by being the personification of whatever unresolved issues we have. This puts you in a position to resolve and dissolve them with love, thereby clearing them out of your system. The type of person involved is determined by your ego limitations. In effect, they drive you to God and out of your ego by highlighting your ego’s weaknesses. You get instant feedback with every wrong move you make. They are in effect sent to blast you out of your destiny derailing patterns. They are learning accelerating resources that are tailor made to the specifics of your situation, as you are for theirs.

They are spiritually healing, not karma generating, which is another difference from other forms of relationship. They allow you to more fully manifest your spiritual nature and purposes. It trains you to be able to make a totally trusting connection, which then enables your destiny to resume its development. However, as always, there is a trade off here. Because they are so tremendously healing, they require a huge amount of integrity, awareness, personal power, groundedness and spiritual connection to carry it off successfully. It is an undertaking that is fraught with risks, challenges and powerful forces. It is in effect a laser beam from God to put you on your path. They are giant roto rooters, and they challenge you to the ultimate max. They hit like a Mack truck. Everybody involved is jolted awake by the intensity of the phenomenon and the significance of its entrance into their lives. You are never the same after they have entered. And of course, once the connection is made, it is never severed. They become part of the family.

The Cosmic Partner Experience

Not infrequently, the process starts with either a fairly pro longed ‘potter’s wheel” period in which you are lazily keeping things going, or with an agitated “Now what do I do?” transition period. Often there is an intuitive or dream anticipation of something big in the works. It also happens frequently that you are in a situation where you are separated from your spouse for some reason. Then you encounter the Partner.

 There is an instantaneous, often knee buckling recognition response that totally baffles you. You may try to hide from or fight it or to discount it, but it won’t go away. It becomes an almost instantaneous magnificent obsession.

It’s as if you both line up your antennae and tune your stations so everything seems to be in slow motion, as though to be able to sort things out as they go at lightening speed. It hits all the chakras at the same time, and it is crystal clear that it’s right, no matter what it looks like. It’s about the biggest rush you’ll ever experience because it is loving the God within you and the other person. It’s also the biggest scare so much to lose and so much to go wrong! The- sexual tagalong of spiritual love is instantaneously and extremely intensely activated, and it is very difficult indeed to track surrounds and discipline yourself. There is if the situation allows an immediate skyrocket effect, an extremely intense exhilaration and acceleration of events. Any contact seems to totally drain you or to totally electrify you. You become lost in the person and the moment in an overwhelming fusion. The reaction is not controllable. It has to be acknowledged and dealt with. And the only response available is surrender, as any sleeve-rolling efforts only complicate the picture and backfire on all concerned.

Cosmic partner relationships require you to suspend your ego judgments and criteria. For one thing, it is not at all uncommon for it to be some one “totally inappropriate”, such as the wrong sex, position, personality or even age. For instance, “Harold and Maude’ were cosmic partners. What if it is a child? At the same time, even if every thing’s “right” on the pragmatic level (say you are single and they are the appropriate demographics), you still find unprecedented experiences. Such as the fact that the relationship is totally non-possessive and there is no abandonment anxiety associated with it. You just know that it is a lifelong connection. It has the effect of generating complete confidence in the universe at some level, often for the first time in your life.

It is a relationship full of paradoxes. Thus, it requires total ecosystemic awareness while at the same time pulling you into total fusion with the partner. You have to be careful about what it looks like to others, yet you can’t put any restrictions on your feelings and you have to open yourself totally to it. All the implications and ramifications have to be observed and considered responsibly, yet you are forced to immerse yourself in the moment. It is the greatest experience of your life and yet it brings up all your negative feelings at the same time, and they can’t be suppressed either. All your negative beliefs and limiting assumptions come up, yet you have to totally trust the process in the face of all the tremendous intensity.

What it requires is that you get your self out of the way of your Self by realizing that it is God that you are loving. Meanwhile, neurotic interlocks that normally are the warp and woof of your relationships and as trusty as your favorite tennis racquet make you miserable and they threaten to destroy rather than to provide a comfort zone. You have to be here now totally. The past was, period. Which is very hard if the partner is of the other sex, with all that generates. Or conversely, they are of the same sex, with all those complications. Self distrust rears up to gigantic proportions—— “WHAT am I doing !!??”.  And it all hurts so good! Because it is healing through all of the ecstasy /agony.

The trick is to relate to your own and your partner’s soul, not their ego. This is particularly true in regard to the super charged sexuality involved. It is usually quite short lived, usually a few weeks or even days. Generally speaking, it is not advisable to consummate the relationship, though in some situations where there is a need to be released from an over sexualized relationship with a parent, it might be useful to have a brief encounter. But that should be very carefully evaluated, due to all the complications involved and the basically spiritual nature of the relationship.

Once the relationship is under way, you notice certain unusual characteristics. For instance, unconditional positive regard with no blinders on. They don’t grab onto your weaknesses as sore spots. They have a neutral mind on them, so you become joyously aware of them instead of furtively furious at yourself for them. This has the effect of activating a total commitment to heal yourself of them by surrounding it with love. There is continuous total sharing no holding back of anything. And you realize how much you have longed for such a connection. Interestingly enough, the relationship has the effect of strengthening and deepening your relationship with your spouse. You behold them with new loving eyes.

On the other hand, the relationship also frequently gives you harsh lessons. You find what has been missing in your relationship with your spouse, and so do they. The spouse may become abandonment paranoid, possessive or resentful/revengeful. Or they get to feeling like an old dust mop during the early stages of the relationship. Yet at the same time, it is absolutely crucial that the spouse be kept informed of all that is happening. First of all, they sense it anyway, and they will assume it is one of the other types of relationship. Secondly, they need the lessons involved in the process as much as you and your partner. Finally, their support, guidance and help and yours to them are essential in the process. It also rapidly cools down the sexual overcharge with the partner. Usually a cosmic partner crisis has the effect of totally revitalizing the spouse relationship and moving it to a new and much more on purpose path. Or it makes it clear that the teaching function of an outmoded relationship is over.

Another complicating factor is the fact that due to its relatively infrequent appearance in the past, very few people know what a cosmic partner relationship is. As a result, they put all the more usual interpretations on it. They are apt to really rake you over the coals. And you can’t explain what is happening because they have no framework for it.

The passionate period passes when the spiritual and self— healing lessons are assimilated. Then the relationship settles into a casual cosmic friend. There is usually a mutual distancing at this point, to process all that has occurred. The operational outcome after all the dust has settled depends on what the issues that the partner was sent to heal and you were brought into their life to clear up were. In any case, there usually develops an “old slippers” comfort and part of the family feeling.

Subsequent cosmic partners usually become easy to assimilate without all the trauma-drama. And of course subsequent cosmic partners of the spouse and/or cosmic partner are totally understood and well dealt with for the most part. They can be calmly experienced and quickly integrated into the growing network of resources in each others’ lives.

There are some Situations where things are not all that easy, though. For instance, when the partner lives in another city and/or when one is successfully spoused and the other is not, it is hard on the distant and/or alone partner. Another situation is one where external factors are so overriding that the relationship cannot be pursued, or where it is unrequited for some reason. At one level, these are less difficult to handle, but at another, it is much more difficult due to the activation of the ego weaknesses to be healed without the follow-through.

There is an almost endless variety of types of cosmic partner relationships. For instance, they can take the form of mentor / mentee, cosmic sibling, the actual spouse, the ‘hate mate” Or “evil-teacher” who heals through negative experience-induction, parent/child (both biologic and later life stand-ins), student, support, example, guide, feedback device, spiritual releaser or pitchfork, carrot motivator, etc.

One of the more interesting ones is the “mirrors’, who is in effect a person just like yourself. Mirrors give you the chance to see aspects of yourself that you hate in lovable form, and aspects of yourself that you don’t know about and you can then love. The relationship gives validation of all those things that other people reject, misperceive, exploit or punish you for having. It gives healing of the self hate resulting from non understanding and its outcomes.

The mirror totally recognizes, appreciates and loves those aspects of you that no one else notices. They can also make you painfully aware of the necessity of changing some aspects of yourself through seeing it so clearly in them. But mostly they teach you to love yourself, and so they usually appear when self— disgust is the issue. The sexual issue with the mirror is especially piquant because it is like being sexually attracted to yourself. There is also a very pronounced elevation the intensity of the energy involved. And paradoxically, consummation is probably not advisable here.

The outcome of having a cosmic partner enter your life is almost invariably that you more and more move into the space where everyone is your cosmic partner. You come to recognize the oneness that connects us all. You also become much more spiritually on purpose, and your life starts taking clear turns towards your destiny. That in turn may precipitate new growth crises as you encounter the requirements and experiences involved in manifesting your destiny. But one thing is clear. You are never the same, and everyone benefits.

If you find any of this useful to your journey, please consider sending Michael a cash donation to say thank you for his contribution.

Michael J. Lincoln
PO BOX 176
Redmond, WA  98073